LIVING LIFE WITH WIDE OPEN HANDS
To the Girl Feeling Lost or Confused...
When this photo was taken I wanted to be a high school art teacher. Not because it was my “dream”, but because nothing else seemed to fit and that was the only “traditional job” that even remotely piqued my interest.⠀
What you might mistake for confidence in this photo was actually a giddy facade as I desperately battled the crippling insecurity I felt.⠀
I had ZERO dreams of owning my own business, had only ever picked up my parents’ camera to capture some family vaca memories here and there, and if you’d told me I’d one day be an entrepreneur I would’ve laughed and called ya crazy.⠀
My goals at that time were simple:⠀
1. Pass all my classes.⠀
2. Not be the worst art student ever.⠀
3. Make friends.⠀
4. Get closer to Jesus.⠀
I was a recovering angry-goth-girl with a naive heart who was desperate to find belonging and purpose and there was simply NO ROOM for any more fear in my life. But it’s funny how life works sometimes. I’ve found God has an incredible love for irony, and boy has my life had it’s ironic moments.⠀
By the end of my freshman year I had made a wonderful group of friends, and my loneliness started to subside. Although I’ll fully admit I was guy-crazy and totally desperate. Not at all real relationship material.⠀
By my sophomore year I realized I didn’t want to be an art teacher, had no backup plan, and my confidence hit an all-time low. Combine that with some stupid mistakes I’d made that summer prior and some horrible bullying I experienced that fall and 2013 nearly ended on a very upsetting note.⠀
Thankfully, in November of that year during a very emotional rant, I swore off dating. 2 days later met Jackson. There’s a consistent pattern in my life of God opening doors only once I give up trying to do it my way.⠀
My junior and senior years I focused on my relationships with Jackson and friends and continued to have NO PLAN as far as a career was concerned. I took a photography elective and hated every minute of it. (Again, irony.) I also spent the majority of those years planning mine & Jackson’s wedding, and I battled comparison-syndrome every step of the way.
December of 2015 I graduated without a career plan, got married two weeks later, moved to a new town, started a job I hated, and left my favorite place on earth (up until that point). I spent the next 2 years trying to figure out what I wanted to do, and finally after MANY closed doors God made it blatantly obvious where I was supposed to be—wedding photography.
I love my job, but there’s no way that 18yr old Katie would have done it. It took time, growth, confidence building, a lot of trial and error, and a huge shift in mindset.
If you’re feeling lost or confused or uncertain about what you’re supposed to be doing...that’s okay! I did too! Just keep trying things, pay attention to reoccurring themes, and look for lessons you can learn along the way. You will find it, or rather, it will find you.
Here’s some tips:
1. Pray about it often! Ask God to make it obvious!
2. Don’t bail too easily. Give something a real chance to click, at least a few months. If it’s really not a good fit, then move on.
3. Work on your health. I’ve found that the more I work on how I am physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally the more in-tune I am with where God is directing me.
Don’t give up friend! You’ve got this! Trust me, if that insecure, doubtful, scared girl in the photo can do it, so can you! Cheering you on always!